10 Reasons Why Intelligent Men Fail With Women
This is a First post from David DeAngelo back in the early 2000s.
I've been teaching men how to become more successful with women and dating for a several years now... and one"problem scenario" just keeps coming up OVER AND OVER... and OVER
and OVER and OVER again...
...plus it is really amazes me.
"The Genius Failure Paradox" is the trend for UNUSUALLY smart men to have very LOW levels of succeeding with women and dating.
After considering this particular paradox, talking it, and working on it to get an wonderful quantity of time, I'd love to share my ideas about it with you.
I assume that in the event that you've read this much, you then see likely yourself as smarter than the average man.
You are aware that you are somewhat different than other guys.
You probably realized at a young age that you saw things differently, and thought differently than others in school...
And you've probably realized that your smart mind gives you an edge over others in several regions of life...
Your smart mind gives you a specific type of advantage that can be very, very successful in life: YOU'RE USUALLY RIGHT.
Smart folks get used to being"right", because they generally ARE right.
And if you're RIGHT more often than others, you can get ahead in many situations.
But regrettably, this smart head of yours can actually be WORSE than USELESS when it comes to a key area of life:
WOMEN AND DATING.
Incidentally, I did say WORSE than useless.
It can actually be like using a hammer if you need to tighten a bolt. If you use the tool you've got for your job, you'll probably make the problem WORSE.
Naturally, it's hard for a wise man to even IMAGINE a situation where his smart thoughts could HURT his chances for success...
But trust me, this is one of these scenarios.
So relax, open your mind, and let me share with you the ten reasons why intelligent men fail with women... and what to do about it.
And what do most smart guys do if they come across a situation where they're WRONG?
They find a new situation... one that matches their strength. They know they'll be right next time, so they just walk away... knowing it will not be long before they're right again.
(OR they allow the"problem situation" destroy them... more on that later.)
Well, the BITCH about being incorrect when it comes to women and dating is THERE'S NOWHERE TO RUN AND HIDE.
There is no quick"I am right" around another corner to allow you to feel much better.
It only takes"failing" with a few girls in a row for a smart guy to observe the routine... and realize that something is not working.
Option? Think harder.
A clever man just assumes that his logic must be good... so he keeps thinking harder.
But when no success stems, it really begins
to become mentally hard.
Accepting that you're wrong is a very difficult thing for a"smart man".
Accepting that you are not just wrong, but you don't have any CLUE WHERE TO EVEN START is much more difficult.
Finally, many smart guys come up with the following logical conclusion:
I'm a Wise GUY, THEREFORE IF I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN AND DATING, THEN THE PROBLEM MUST NOT BE SOLVABLE OR WORTH SOLVING.
Try that to get a self-defeating idea.
REASON #2: THEY'RE BLIND AND ARROGANT
in summary, many smart guys refuse to accept this a great, solid, workable response could come from somebody"dumber" than them, so they dismiss any idea that comes from an"obviously less intelligent person" before attempting it.
Let me ask you a question:
In case you were going to be walking around Africa on foot, would you rather have your guide be the man on this world with the highest I.Q., or even a caveman who lived a million years ago that had an I.Q. of about 50... but who grew up being chased by lions and all types of animals that wanted to eat him all his life?
It's a fascinating question.
Today, ideally you would love to have the guide who isn't the smartest guy around... but who's escaped out of many, many dangerous situations with deadly creatures...
But now let me ask you:
If you'd like to learn how to be more successful with women and dating, would you take advice from a guy who isn't very smart, but who knows how to attract women?
There is something about being clever that makes some guys unwilling to take input, ideas, or instruction from anyone that is not either as smart or smarter than them.
Well, any wise GUY can see the folly in this specific approach... once it's analyzed closely.
If you've been making this error, then you will need to STOP IT. Stop being an arrogant bastard, and open your eyes.
Look around.
Learn from some"dumb" guys... and let them teach you how to get exactly what you REALLY want.
REASON #3: POOR SOCIAL SKILLS
It BLOWS MY MIND the number of clever guys I meet that simply don't GET IT when it comes to fundamental social skills.
It is as if they have logically reasoned that social skills are for lower beings who need to play games... and not really worth the time it would have to find out.
Actually, I believe that there are a whole lot of
smart men running around this world who do not
have"social skills" and"be a cool guy that people love" in their"MENTAL MODEL" of what it might possibly take to be successful with women and dating.
Social skills are just the... SKILLS.
They are not social INFORMATION.
They are not social THEORIES.
They are social SKILLS.
And you also do not get them THINKING about them. You get them by GETTING them.
Excellent social skills are the basis for good communication with other humans... and in case you don't have good social skills, you dramatically lower your chances for success with girls.
REASON #4: THEY PSYCH THEMSELVES OUT
Smart guys do something that fascinates the hell out of me...
They come up with all the reasons why what WON'T WORK when it comes to women and dating.
They actually figure out why what they would like to do is likely to fail...
They use their awesome creative imaginations to envision all sorts of horrible pictures and scenes... and then they use those fanciful results to create negative emotions... which ultimately prevent them from having success with women and dating.
But in case you have thought something through and think of a fantastic reason it would fail, it makes sense to not take action, right?
I mean, why would you want to do things which are going to fail?
It is sound logic, however HORRIBLE believing in regards to the REAL WORLD... and success with girls.
Because smart guys do not UNDERSTAND women, and they do not UNDERSTAND what is needed to be successful with women, they are working with poor characters. They are wrong before they start figuring!
Using your mind to develop with the reasons why things will not work in this area of your own life leads to ULTIMATE FAILURE.
You have to learn to overcome this habit if you've got it.
REASON #5: THEY SEEK ONLY"INFORMATIONAL SOLUTIONS"
What exactly does a wise guy do when he runs into an issue... or he needs to figure something out?
He looks for INFORMATION to help him resolve the problem.
MORE INFORMATION is always the response.
Information is the friend of a wise guy.
Got a peculiar virus on your computer? Just jump online and find out how to eliminate it.
Do not understand how to change the alternator in your car? No prob. Simply buy the manual and turn to page 147.
Don't know the definition of a word? Open your dictionary.
MORE INFORMATION solves the problem.
So what do smart guys do when it comes to overcoming a issue with women?
They want MORE Info.
They believe the answer lies in learning just ONE MORE TECHNIQUE... or a more magical idea.
How would you know it was making matters worse?
Now, I really don't need to suggest that studying more about how to succeed with women isn't a good thing. It's not.
But in case you have a problem that's EMOTIONAL or PHYSICAL in nature, then reading five million theories on it likely isn't going to help you very much.
You need to get out in the real world and try some things!
You need to Check at the REAL problem... the Origin of the problem.
In regards to women and dating, there is an excellent chance that you've got MORE than enough"information".
Smart men often use"more info" to distract them from TAKING ACTION.
I've heard this called"Creative Avoidance".
Nod softly in the event that you've ever figured out a creative way to avoid confronting something in your life.
Good, thank you.
REASON #6: THEY FOCUS ON LOGIC INSTEAD OF EMOTION
NEWS JUST IN: Women do not feel ATTRACTION for men who make them THINK.
EXACTLY!
They become a LOGICAL CONVERSATION.
I am shaking my head right now...
Smart guys try to engage girls in LOGICAL conversations and interactions because that is where THEY feel comfortable... not knowing they're SHOOTING THELSEVES IN THE FOOT by doing this!
Get this: A monkey sitting at a typewriter will type the collected works of Shakespeare before you will make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you by engaging her in logical conversation.
When you start a logical conversation with a girl you have just met, you are basically taking a NEON SIGN that says"I do not get it when it comes to women" and placing it on your head.
Average"logical" conversations include speaking about work, family, school, and jobs... discussing politics, religion, weather... and whatever has to do with math, science, or even INTELLIGENCE.
On the flip side, if you start talking to some woman and you say"OK, so tell me something... Why is it that all girls say they desire sweet, nice guys... but they date sexy, egotistical bad boys" (and then make fun of any answer she gives) you are having an EMOTIONAL dialogue.
In case you don't know what I am talking about, continue reading. You want more help than I believed.
REASON #7: THEY'RE NOT USED TO THE CHALLENGE OF THE MOMENT
Smart people usually have time to Consider things.
If you're taking a test, you can sit there and work out the answers.
If you've got a math problem, you can work on it till you've figured it out.
If you are trying to correct something, you can keep working on it until it is fixed.
Smart guys are used to being able to take at least a small bit of time to prepare and show off their"good sides" in many situations.
Not so with girls...
If you don't understand what to do at every step along the way, you'll be closed down very quickly.
Women have an AMAZING"He does not get it" radar program.
Women have all kinds of subtle and ingenious tests which they throw men to separate the"get its" in the"don't get its".
And if you do not get it, then you are likely to fail one of these tests VERY quickly.
However, the worst part is you won't ever KNOW that you were being analyzed... OR that you failed.
Smart guys are not utilized to coping with complicated EMOTIONAL and COMMUNICATION challenges in the second... and especially the"women and dating" type.
One of they keys to becoming more successful with women and dating is learning how to handle all the tests that women throw at you effortlessly.
However, before you can find out to deal with the evaluations, you have to first learn how to communicate on an emotional level, how to demonstrate that you've got basic social abilities, and how to keep your cool in the present time.
REASON #8: THEY THINK THAT DOING"NICE" THINGS IS THE"SMART WAY"
OK, allow me to ask you a trick question:
When I told you that you were going to have a date with the supermodel of your choice, which of these would you choose as a"smart" way of preparing:
1) Find out what her favorite type of flowers are, and appear with a dozen of them so she'd be"wowed".
2) Find out about her favorite travel destination so that you could talk about it with her.
I already mentioned that this was a TRICK question.
The answer is NONE OF THE ABOVE.
However WHY?
I mean, why WOULDN'T you wish to appear with her favorite flowers?
Why WOULDN'T you wish to discuss her favorite places to travel?
Why WOULDN'T you want to take her to eat her favorite foods so she enjoyed herself?
Go with me here...
Smart guys believe they're being CLEVER when they do things like buying a woman her favorite flowers... and bringing them to the FIRST DATE.
Right?
In their minds, they're thinking"I'm going to be the man who is thinking ahead... and I'm going to show up with all the flowers that I KNOW she loves... and she is going to see them and like me more because of it".
Makes sense... good mathematics, right?
Well the one teensy-weensy mistake that these"smart" guys make isn't realizing that it does not really take a wise person to think in this way!
Actually, ANY jackass can figure out how to kiss a lady's ass.
WOMEN KNOW THIS!
And guess what else?
EVERY WUSSBAG DOES THIS STUFF.
An intelligent man, in his proud arrogance, will think he is being such the charmer using this"thoughtful" approach...
...and the girl he is chasing will translate it as another Wussy who's trying to MANIPULATE her.
Ouch.
Another blow to intelligence.
MISTAKE #9: ALWAYS NEEDING TO BE THE EXPERT
Have you ever met a smart guy who always desired to be"right"?
Have you ever met someone who would actually argue with you about something they knew nothing about... and make a fool of themselves because they simply could not close their"smart mouths"?
Throughout the past couple of years helping guys improve their success with women, I visit this 1 pattern over and over again...
Smart guys don't want to be"beginners" in ANYTHING.
They don't like the idea of screwing up... especially if they're seeing.
They want to keep this"smart man" picture of themselves... so they try to always be"The Expert" at anything they do.
Rather than saying"Hey, you know what? I am a newcomer at this... how can I do it? What should I do first? What next?" ... and rather than being completely OK with screwing up, making mistakes, and making a fool of themselves in front of others in order to LEARN...
...they won't risk embarrassment, failure, or others thinking they're novices... so that they wind up finally FAILING.
MISTAKE #10: THEY CAN'T DEAL WITH FEAR AND OTHER EMOTIONS
A clever guy's STRENGTH is his MIND.
His WEAKNESS is often his EMOTIONS.
Smart guys are usually IMMOBILIZED by FEAR.
Totally stopped.
FROZEN.
And since many smart guys are not comfortable dealing with things they're not good at, they just repress or RUN from fear.
Many men would rather DIE in lonely isolation compared to admit they don't know how to deal with their feelings... or, GODFORBID, request help!
Hey, I went for YEARS like this.
I know what it is like.
But the reality is that any guy can learn to manage as well as MASTER his feelings (even panic )... if he just takes the time and effort to learn HOW to do it.
If that is you, then do yourself a big favor... take the time. Pick out the effort.
Do not worry about what anybody else thinks of you... it does not matter.
What's you doing the things which YOU want to do FOR YOU.
...I feel that the main reason why I'm so fascinated with"The Genius Failure Paradox" is since I have had to struggle with each these issues for a lot of years of my life.
Now, I'm not saying that I am the smartest guy on the planet...
However, I don't believe mamma raised no fool.
Plus it always bothered the hell out of me that even though I had been so good at figuring out things, I couldn't figure WOMEN out.
Something tells me you know what I'm talking about.
Well, after beating my head against http://query.nytimes.com/search/sitesearch/?action=click&contentCollection®ion=TopBar&WT.nav=searchWidget&module=SearchSubmit&pgtype=Homepage#/seduction the wall for a few years... attempting all sorts of crazy"logical" stuff... I eventually got the"bright" idea to begin studying guys who were"naturally" good with girls.
Obviously I found out you might be both NOT SMART, and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN at the same moment.
I also heard that you are able to be SMART and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN too.
By carefully analyzing what the"naturals" did with girls... and studying how they"thought" about the topic, I started to understand that success with women wasn't entirely jak zacząć rozmowę na tinderze LOGICAL.
Much of what I learned was very tough for me to take... since my logical mind just didn't need to buy into it.
One thing I saw was guys pushing women away from them... and with the girls then chase them in response.
Made no sense in any respect.
I watched men tease beautiful girls and make jokes about them to their faces... then watched those girls become"little girls" in reaction... unable to maintain their composure, and so not able to keep their manipulative power...
It took me quite a long time, but I continued to learn, test, and refine what I was studying until I personally figured out how to approach women in any situation... get any girl's amount I wanted anytime I wanted... date some other kind of girl I wanted...
...and most importantly, knock out the"empty" feeling that I carried around my whole life since I didn't find out how to attract girls.
And once I got this area of my own life together, I decided to help other guys get this area of THEIR lives together.
And I'd like to invite you to sign up.
It is free, there's no obligation, I will never share your email address with anybody, and you may easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I will never pull any of these tricks where I send you a lot of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself).
And I'll speak to you soon.